HOLLYWOOD EXES: Season 1 Character Predictions
At first I thought, “Ok, another reality show with a group of grown women acting like high-schoolers, still trying to hold on to some title they had when they were with their famous male partner, and now using the show as a way to get rich but disguising it as a way to show how hard their life is as a rich groupie jump-off.” BUT. Hollywood Exes is actually about…the ex-wives of famous dudes. I bet in future seasons they WILL let the ex-groupie/jump-offs on, as long as they’re an “ex.” But for now, it’s just ex-wives.
The first episode was a bit of a snooze, even with the “laser vagina” scene smh. But I can already tell who these women will be typecast as:
Nicole Murphy, Eddie Murphy’s ex-wife, aka The Ringleader
Nicole is to this show what Shaunie O’neal is to Basketball Wives. I’m not sure if Eddie is like Shaq and made his lawyers tell Nicole not to mention his name, but if he’s smart he will because we all know Eddie Murphy’s past is shady. Anyway, Nicole will be the leader of the pack, trying to get everyone together so they can fight and then afterwards begging them to all get along. Since producers approached her first I think that, like Shaunie, she won’t have to act so ratchet to keep her contract with the show because without her, who cares about the other exes? Besides R.Kelly’s ex, probably. Nicole will be the ‘classy’ ex who is trying to be a business mogul and will be the ex that all the other exes get along with.
Andrea Kelly, R. Kelly’s ex-wife, aka The “Realest” One
I can’t even imagine being R.Kelly’s wife. You just KNOW she has some stories to tell. Andrea is the outsider/newbie to the group so she will probably have to “prove” herself to the others and show that she can hang with their LA lifestyle. She’ll be the realest one, but probably have her image twisted to be the Hood Ex-wife. *Kanye shrug* Somebody has to be The Token Black Girl and VH1 wants it to be her. I like her though, I don’t think she’s gonna be Real-Housewives-of-Atlanta ratchet, but I think people will be afraid to try her, and if someone does she will be quick to shut them up. She seems down to earth though, I really liked how she conducted herself on Wendy Williams. AND, as a dancer I can’t WAIT to see how her dance studio progresses. She also has a gay best friend/assistant (which I feel like is becoming more of a requirement on these shows) who also seems to have a “keep it real” attitude. We’ll see how he influences her.
Jessica Canseco, Jose Canseco’s ex-wife, aka
The Crazy One Dummy #1 The Messy One
Oh My Goodness. She is gonna be the Crazy One That Gets on Everyone’s Last Nerve to Get Ratings. Every reality show needs one of these people; someone dumb enough and desperate enough for money/fame that they will sacrifice whatever bit of dignity they have to act a fool and get people to watch the show. For Basketball Wives, it was Evelyn (then Tammi). For Real Housewives of NJ, it’s Teresa. For Real Housewives of ATL, it’s NeNe. For Jersey Shore, I’ll say it’s Snooki, I really don’t know, I don’t watch that show. But the pattern here is that all these people are the Breakout Stars of these shows for basically acting like reckless, hot-tempered menaces to society, and it’s because it WORKS. They become the most popular, demand higher salaries, get offered book deals and even their own spin-offs. That’s what Jessica will be, just watch. If this show gets another season she will get a higher salary and by the third season if she’s still that Crazy One she’ll be appearing all over the place for no reason.
Besides being The Crazy One, she is also Dummy #1 because you KNOW she wants Jose back, and I really wouldn’t be surprised if they are still messing around. Jose is BROKE so now that she’s getting money from the show he’s trying to get back in there, and she’s gonna let him. LIKE A DUMMY. Maybe she should just be The Messy One. That pretty much sums up everything.
Sheree Fletcher, Will Smith’s ex-wife, aka The Good Girl Going Bad?
I would never have known Will Smith married someone before Jada if it wasn’t for the show All of Us that he and Jada produced, which is based on his relationship with Sheree as they try to raise their son after divorcing and moving on. She’s now a preacher’s wife, but from the preview clips I can tell that The Crazy/Messy One is gonna push her buttons and make her smack some Jesus into someone’s face. I think she’ll be trying so hard to be a good Christian wife that people will purposefully try to make her snap, whether it’s because she’ll be to overbearing enforcing her beliefs on people, or if she’ll have a Holier Than Thou attitude and people will try to call bullsh-t on it. She already revealed some of her party-girl ways when she said she refused to take tequila shots because the last time she did she ended up with a tattoo on her butt and she couldn’t remember how it got there lol. It will be interesting to see what her true colors are.
Mayte Garcia, Prince’s ex-wife, aka
Dummy #2 Future Cat Lady
Mayte would be Dummy #2, mainly because she keeps saying she NEEEEEDS a man. Mistake number 1 honey, desperation won’t get you anything but more cats. Can’t you see her growing old and being that Crazy Cat Lady who knits full-blown outfits for her kittens? I think it’s fine to WANT a man but when you start saying you need one, your better judgement gets foggy and you end up settling for anything. She’s also Dummy #2 because she is trying to become, in her words, a “movie star.” I’ve yet to see a reality show cast member become an A-list movie star but everyone needs a dream I guess. Perhaps she is shooting for the C-list. She seems sweet enough, but I think she’ll be one of the first people to be let go unless she starts her Crazy Cat Lady act early. I can see her being easily influenced by everyone else, which could get her in the midst of some drama, but also I can see her being the Wallflower. We’ll see.
Since I’m going on vacay out the country soon, I won’t be able to watch the show until August, so I’ll have to read the gossip blogs to see if my predictions are right. I don’t think they will be as annoying or catty as other “wife” shows, so it will be interesting to see what kind of drama they have. What do you think about the show and the exes?